That's right. I'm trying to find, well, myself actually. I feel that I'm not who I completely want to be. I feel that I've lost of what used to make up Heidi. I chalk a bit of that to just growing up, but I still think there were other things lost along the way. I want to take advantage of everything life has to offer. I want to maximize and amplify every talent and aspect of my life. I want more for myself, I want more for Jeff and I as a couple, and I want more for my family. I know that I may loose heart and focus. I know that I may get discouraged. I hope that I will still press on and be the person that I want to be. I've been simmering over some inspirational things I've seen, read, or witnessed and I think I'm about to boil. This is one of the things that has stayed with me since I saw it. I think it will stay with me forever actually. It's the last thing Conan O'Brien said in his final farewell.
"To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
I don't know why this statement touches my heart so much, but I tear up every time I read it. It makes me feel young again. It gives me hope and makes me remember what it felt like to succeed at something. I used to be the kind of person that would see something and do everything in my power to get it. I hope to get some of that back. I'm looking for new opportunities. I know I'll find some.